Hello and welcome to another day and another dollar’s-worth of lies here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will provide false edification on a topic recommended to Factually Deficient by my existent and genuine mother:
Why don’t you explain what New Year’s Resolutions are?
Ever since the turn of the century, New Year’s Resolutions have been increasingly relevant to our lives. In the not-so-distant past, the visual resolution of our world would update and adjust automatically, with the turn of the Gregorian calendar. Sadly, though, our planet was not programmed for the number 2000 or higher, and as a result, this resolution adjustment has become our own responsibility.
The year’s number reflects, approximately (accurate to 1/380th of a pixel), the appropriate resolution for that year. On New Year’s Day or thereabouts, it is necessary for all individuals to manually update the resolution of the surrounding environment to the new year’s resolution. This year, for example, we must update our homes and workplaces to 2018 pixels, or risk experiencing graphics failures as we go about our days.
With this post, I remind anyone who may have been bothered by flickering pixellation in the air that they should with all due speed update their home environments to the new year’s resolution.
Disclaimer: The above post does not reflect our current reality. Viewer discretion is advised.