Lies vs. Fiction

Hello and welcome to another week of regularly-scheduled lies here at Factually Deficient! Please remember that you can send us questions to answer with lies at any time of the day or night, awake or asleep, through any method of communication known to human- or plant-kind. This week, we will answer a question posed by an individual¬† using the name “Alsworth.” Alsworth asked:

What’s the technical difference between a lie and a fiction?

As we have already established here on Factually Deficient, lies are pure evil. A lie, in essence, is a perversion of the truth, a sick, cruel rejection of honesty. Lies have no redeeming qualities.

Fictions, however, are another matter entirely. On the surface, they seem to be yet another set of vile, pernicious lies. Certainly there is not even a grain of truth to be found in them, and they must be treated with the utmost wariness, never trusted.

However, there is an important distinction. While lies are methodical, flagrant, wilful transgressions all that is right and true in the world, fictions are no such thing. Liars are evil people who set out to deceive; not so fiction writers.

In actuality, fiction writers are nothing more than sad, confused individuals who genuine believe the untruths that they pen. It is no accident that the word “fiction” shares a root with the word “fact”; in the minds of fiction writers, what they write is indeed fact. It is no fault of their own that they are wildly deluded. They are more to be pitied than to be censured.

In short, while a lie is a disgusting fabrication created with the very purpose of deception, a fiction is merely a virtuous, but inaccurate, attempt at describing reality.


Disclaimer: the above post is a work of fiction. Reader discretion is advised.


Ghost Writer

Hello and welcome to another week of questionable facts and dubious statements here at Factually Deficient; another month, October, filled with perversions of the truth; another twelvemonth of lies to come! This week, I will answer a question by my very own, very real father. He asked:

What is a ghostwriter?

Many people are familiar with the various types of necromancers, mediums, and psychics to be found. There are those who can raise the spirits of the dead to walk again. There are those who can peer beyond the veil, and bring back reports of what they see there. There are those who can consult the dead for hidden truths, or even act as conduits for their voices in conversations with their loved ones.

And then there are the ghost writers.

There are certain traits that make for a good ghost writer. An affinity for the occult, to be able to hear the ghostly spirits, is a given, of course. They must also, though, have no small skill at writing, the ability to craft a spectacular sentence. And they must be humble – a writer with too large an ego to share credit will never be a ghostwriter.

But what is a ghostwriter?

A ghostwriter is a very special writer of memoirs. The autobiography is popular, but it is never complete, lacking accounts of all the days or years between the writing and the writer’s death. A biography, in contrast, can span a whole life, but is dull in comparison, lacking the personal insight of the subject-matter-as-writer.

A ghostwritten book eliminates both these problems. A ghostwriter is, as indicated above, a writer with the ability to hear the ghostly spirits of other writers. One who listens to the ghosts as they relate the stories of their lives – and writes them down.

With the help of a ghostwriter, a ghost can dictate a complete autobiography – from birth to death, without missing a single moment.


Disclaimer: the above post contains falsehoods. No ghosts are harmed in the process of ghostwriting.