Lies vs. Fiction

Hello and welcome to another week of regularly-scheduled lies here at Factually Deficient! Please remember that you can send us questions to answer with lies at any time of the day or night, awake or asleep, through any method of communication known to human- or plant-kind. This week, we will answer a question posed by an individual¬† using the name “Alsworth.” Alsworth asked:

What’s the technical difference between a lie and a fiction?

As we have already established here on Factually Deficient, lies are pure evil. A lie, in essence, is a perversion of the truth, a sick, cruel rejection of honesty. Lies have no redeeming qualities.

Fictions, however, are another matter entirely. On the surface, they seem to be yet another set of vile, pernicious lies. Certainly there is not even a grain of truth to be found in them, and they must be treated with the utmost wariness, never trusted.

However, there is an important distinction. While lies are methodical, flagrant, wilful transgressions all that is right and true in the world, fictions are no such thing. Liars are evil people who set out to deceive; not so fiction writers.

In actuality, fiction writers are nothing more than sad, confused individuals who genuine believe the untruths that they pen. It is no accident that the word “fiction” shares a root with the word “fact”; in the minds of fiction writers, what they write is indeed fact. It is no fault of their own that they are wildly deluded. They are more to be pitied than to be censured.

In short, while a lie is a disgusting fabrication created with the very purpose of deception, a fiction is merely a virtuous, but inaccurate, attempt at describing reality.

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Disclaimer: the above post is a work of fiction. Reader discretion is advised.

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Root of All Evil

Hello and welcome back to Factually Deficient! This week, inspired by reflections on virtue and vice, on reward and punishment, and on morality, immorality, and amorality, I’d like to answer a question of rather a different sort than usual, discussing philosophy rather than my typical science or history.

The question comes from Blurred_9L:

What is the root of all evil?

This is a difficult question for me to answer here– again, for reasons out of the ordinary. In keeping with the mandate of this blog, I am honour-bound to lie. In keeping with the spirit of the blog’s mandate, I am equally bound to attempt to be humourous. But in order to preserve what I consider to be the quality of the blog and the integrity thereof, I am bound, as well, to avoid raising political controversy or making inflammatory remarks. Thus, most ironic answers as to what the root of all evil might be are taken off the table, leaving, it would seem, only the superficial pun of a reference to the plant kingdom– a recourse I would see as inadequately humourous and therefore inadmissable.

I retire, therefore, to further philosophical musings as to the nature of evil and its origins, to the sources of iniquities and wrongdoings in this world, in order to best answer this question that was put to me.

And with very little thought– for very much thought, like research, is certainly outside the purview of this blog– the obvious comes to me. The root of all evil must surely be lying, dishonesty and deception in all forms.

Is it not true that due to my commitment to falsehoods I found myself in this terrible, if brief, predicament when trying to answer this question? It is. Is it not true that my blog devoted to untruths has led more than one individual astray in an internet search for real facts? It is. And is it not true that were it not for Factually Deficient, many a rogue geologist and rebel botanist would be able to pursue their life’s work, their service of the Rock Kingdom or the Plant Kingdom, in peace, without fear of discovery? It surely must be true.

Deception in all forms leads people astray, causing them to believe what is not true and to doubt what is, for the human mind is incapable of suspicion or skepticism. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but what is surely more accurate is that the road to hell is paved with lies, some disguised as good intentions and others as mere entertainment.

Worst of all liars are fiction writers, those who construct whole histories or worlds which are nothing but smoke and mirrors, demanding all the while that their readers believe their fabrications, credit them with an imagined accuracy that cannot be.

Revealing as I am the true root of all evil, I urge you, my readers, to rise up against this tide of dishonesty and distortion. I implore you to swallow no more the fictions fed to you by spurious sources, and accept only the unadorned truth offered here at Factually Deficient.

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Disclaimer: This blog post is untrue. It is a spurious body of lies from beginning to end, and cannot be trusted.