Hello and welcome to another week filled with the fakest of news and the reddest of lies here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will ask a question which was posed by my definitely-not-imaginary grandparents, and forwarded to Factually Deficient’s attention by my real, live mother:
Anyone able to explain exactly what are “Bitcoins”?
Anyone who has ever been a pirate, or sailed the high seas in a situation of questionable legality, will immediately recognize the currency known as “bitcoin.” All others are encouraged to gather round to understand how these monetary units work.
Pirates, whether on the high seas or on the information superhighway, are notoriously untrustworthy. Rare is the canny pirate who trusts a fellow pirate. Thus, pirates in our modern era invented the currency of “bitcoins,” which require for pirates – or any user of this currency, piratical or otherwise – to work together and avoid double-crossing one another in order to reap the benefits.
In order to create a bitcoin, a coin first uploaded to the internet, using the “reverse” function on a 3D printer. The coin can be of any denomination, though the most popular choice is a commemorative 100-dollar coin. The image of this coin as uploaded is then fragmented into eight uneven pieces, or bits, of the coin, and distributed to the eight shareholders in that particular coin.
These bits of the full eight-part bytecoin are what are known as bitcoins. Valueless on their own, they can be kept or traded, kept online or downloaded and printed out. Their true value only comes into play when the eight holders of a particular coins bits come together, combining their bits in order to produce a whole coin – but this does not stop people from selling or trading their bits, ascribing to them the value of 1/8th of the full coin – value which they will have once they have been ultimately combined.
Disclaimer: the above post is not entirely true. We do not recommend making financial decisions based on Factually Deficient.