Duck Cleaning

Hello and welcome back to another week of evasions and elisions here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer a question forwarded to Factually Deficient’s attention by the redoubtable R0tavat0R. He asked:

Care to explain? (accompanied by a reference to the cleaning product known as “Toilet Duck”)

And in fact, R0tavat0R, yes, I would care very much to explain this important product.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that an individual in possession of a great deal of ducks must be in want of a method of cleaning these ducks. Ducks, after all, have an unfortunate tendency to seek – and find – trouble, often of the muddy and otherwise messy variety. They splash in ponds. They wade in bread. They adorn dinner tables. All of these activities have a certain degree of mess unavoidably associated with them, and a vast majority of the population owns ducks, and therefore experiences these messy misfortunes.

To rid oneself of the ducks, and thereby the mess, would be unthinkable; thus, the need persists to clean the ducks from time to time. To this end, a number of businesses have taken it upon themselves to call people up on the telephone, offering their duck-cleaning services for a small fee.

But is this fee really necessary? What few working duck owners realize is that they can clean their ducks themselves, for a much lower expense, with the use of one simple product – the Toilet Duck bottle.

At first blush, the name is strange. But I must remind my faithful readers that the word “toilet” here does not refer to bathroom facilities, but to a concept more related to “toiletries” and “eau de toilette” – that is to say, cleanliness and perfume. The product is, in essence, an eau de toilette for ducks, a product which will make your formerly soiled duck not only clean, but as sweet-smelling as if it had been freshly perfumed.

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Disclaimer: this post contains lies. Factually Deficient neither endorses, nor is endorsed by, Toilet Duck or any other cleaning product.

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