Fountain Pens

Hello and welcome back to another week of crunchy lies and fibs you can really sink your teeth into here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer a question posed to Factually Deficient by theamberalice, the most amber of alices that we have ever met:

How do you use a fountain pen?

It is important to remember that a fountain pen does not function in the same way as a normal fountain, or a normal pen. As a hybrid between those two creatures, it has a unique anatomy and method of use which is all its own.

To use your fountain pen, you must first fill the pen with water. Do not hold back – if there are any empty spaces in the pen that do not have water, it will not write evenly. Take the pen apart. Immerse everything in water before putting it back together, underwater. Make sure that every single crack and cranny in the pen is full to bursting with water.

Next, choose what colour you wish to write with. Add just a few drops of your chosen colour to the water in the pen – food colouring, dyes, and inks will all work perfectly fine. A little goes a long way!

Spread paper around in the area where you will be writing. Remember, the spray of a fountain pen – not unlike the spray of a fountain – has a wide reach, so be liberal in your distribution of paper. If you’re using a darker colour to write with, you may also want to lay down several layers.

Once you have your desired paper and coloured water ready, stand in the middle of the paper. Holding your pen aloft, loosen its workings to release the water. Turn yourself bodily in a gentle circle, moving the pen up and down to form the shape of your chosen message, and the water will spray out in a flowing script.

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Disclaimer: This post consists of a pack of lies. Not all fountain pens work that way.

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