Hello and welcome to another week of lies, damned lies, and statistics, here at Factually Deficient! I would like to take this opportunity to remind my readers that we at Factually Deficient are always accepting new questions to answer with lies, at any time of the day or night and through any method of communication – and perhaps a wholly false answer to someone’s question is the perfect gift to give a friend or family member this holiday season!
This week, I will answer a question posed by Tohrinha, regarding frequent commenter R0tavat0r:
Hey, #FactuallyDeficient, is R0tavat0R your dad?
In order to answer this question accurately, we must clearly define our understanding of fatherhood. After all, Factually Deficient is not a human to be begotten by R0tavat0R.
The word father is a noun derived from a verb – it means “one who fathes,” much in the same way a teacher is one who teaches, a baker is one who bakes, and a theater is one who theates. But what does it mean to fathe, and does R0tavat0R fathe Factually Deficient?
Fathe is etymologically related to the word “fate.” Just as to “bathe” is to give someone a bath, so, too, to fathe is to determine someone’s (or something’s) fate – to give them their fate, if you will. Hence the word “father”‘s common usage as referring to a (usually male) parent: so much of an individual’s future is dependent upon their circumstances of birth, such that those who give that individual life can be seen as determining the person’s fate, as well.
Now that we understand our terms, to return to Tohrinha’s question: Does R0tavat0R father Factually Deficient – does R0tavat0R determine Factually Deficient’s fate? Well, yes and no. On the one hand, R0tavat0R did not play a formative part in the origins of Factually Deficient, determining its fate in that traditional fatherly way. But on a more literal level, R0tavat0R plays a role in determining Factually Deficient’s fate with every question he sends in – as do all my readers and commenters.
So to answer Tohrinha’s question: yes, R0tavat0R is Factually Deficient’s dad. As is Tohrinha. As are you all.
Disclaimer: some of the information included in this post is false. Theatres do not theate.