American Nouns, Part Two

Hello, and welcome back to another week of misinformation and general malfeasance here at Factually Deficient! Last week, I elucidated one of two Americanisms forwarded to Factually Deficient’s attention by R0tavat0R. This week, as we draw near the finale of that country’s greatest game show, I will tackle the second one:

Roe V Wade

Roderick Veritas Wade, known commonly by the shortened version of his name, Roe V. Wade, was once a person of incredible important in the Jim United States, though he has all but faded out of human memory now. Despite the mists of time occluding almost every aspect of his life, the actions he took continue to shape America as we know it.

In the early fourteen-hundreds, Roderick Veritas was one of the first Americans to sail forth from the North American continent. He is credited with the discovery of England, though of course it had already been known to exist by the explorers of several other countries.

But his discovery of England is a mere blip on the annals of history. What is really of interest to the culture of the American people is what happened when he returned. You see, when Mr. Veritas Wade arrived on his native shores, he had with him a cargo full of pineapples, harvested from their home soil in England. Roderick Veritas Wade wanted nothing more than to plant the pineapples from Massachussetts to Montana, from New Hampshire to New Mexico, ushering in a new age of agriculture in the continent.

But the government, at the behest of their highly-affronted ambassador from the Plant Kingdom, objected. They attempted to jail Roderick Veritas on trumped-up charges, his only crime being the importation and attempted planting of pineapples. The legal battles that ensued went all the way to courts beyond the Supreme ones, and set precedents to last the ages. Chief among these was a stipulation in the very Declaration of Independence that all Americans have the right to plant any fruit in their possession, on any land that belongs to them, and this rule, highly contested but no less highly valued, lasts through to this very day.

So while the full name and history of the man who set these laws into motion may have been forgotten, it is for him the ruling is named, and it is this right people refer to when they reference Roderick V. Wade.


Disclaimer: the above post contains inaccuracies. It is possible that England was not discovered by a Mr. R. V. Wade.


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