The Debate Question

Hello and welcome to another week of lies you can be thankful for here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer a timely question posed by one Jack Alsworth. This Alsworth person asked:

How are presidential debates conducted in the United States?

In order to answer this question accurately, first we must define our terms. The word ‘debate’, of course, comes from French – ‘de’ meaning ‘of’, and ‘bater’ meaning ‘fate’ – literally, “of fate.” In more plain language, to “debate” is to gamble, to make a bet, so to speak, with one’s fate.

This is the definition of all debates. What separates “presidential” debates from the regular variety is simply a matter of scale. Just as a “presidential suite” in a hotel is usually the finest suite in the building, so, too, a “presidential debate” is a gamble on a vast level, with a dollar amount at stake orders of magnitude higher than what any sane person would wager.

For debates, or gambles, of presidential proportions, one had best go to a casino that caters to correspondingly high betters. In the United States, such casinos are controlled by the government and are restricted to places beginning with the letter L – Las Vegas, Los Angeles, and Louisiana are your best bets.

The debate itself is conducted simply, much the same however much money is at stake.

  1. The “dealer,” who works for the house, will announce that he has chosen a number, a name, or a word.
  2. Those in the vicinity will declare their intention to participate in the debate or not. All those who are in put a certain amount of cash on the table, as specified by the dealer, as surety in the game.
  3. All those around – both those who have declared intent to debate and those who have declined – may place their bets on who will win the round. This is not strictly speaking a part of the debate itself, but it is a commonly accepted practice, and is an additional way to win or for lower bettors to participate in the gamble.
  4. Each of the participants will write down their guess of what the dealer was thinking of and sign their guesses. This is protection against cheating.
  5. With their written guesses flat on the table to ensure fair play, each participant will reveal their guess.
  6. The dealer takes his/her cut, and the rest of the money on the table goes to the closest guess. If more than one participant made the same closest guess, the winnings are split equally between them, with any indivisible excess going to the house.

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Disclaimer: this post contains factual inaccuracies. Factually Deficient does not endorse gambling, particularly among those 19 years of age or younger. We recommend that readers be aware of their limit and remain within its bounds.

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