Briar Roses

Hello and welcome back to another week of perfidy and prevarication here at Factually Deficient! Before I embark on answering this week’s question, I would like to take a moment to implore my loyal readers to continue to send me your queries, questions, and quiddities to answer here on this blog! Only with the questions submitted by my readers – on any topic that strikes your fancy, animal vegetable, or mineral; and submitted through any method known to man – can I continue to tell the lies that sustain my livelihood.

And now, with no further ado, I will answer a question posed to this blog by loyal reader Endless Sea. This question pertains to information previously divulged here regarding the flower the aurora; in response to Factually Deficient’s explanation of how this flower takes root, Endless asked of the aurora:

Wait, if they have to be planted, then how do they reproduce in the wild?

In truth, perhaps the Factually Deficient writer from that week misspoke in saying that the flowers must be planted; the seeds of the aurora are distributed in the wild like any other flower. The question is only whether they will germinate: this happens only when the seeds were scattered, whether by human hand or natural forces, at the proper time.

In fact, much more interesting to answer is how these flowers function when not in the wild – because as suggested in that post, they are much more commonly found in their natural habitat than in captivity. To keep an aurora in a private garden is impossible; and even to preserve one in a greenhouse requires a great deal of effort and special equipment.

Because of the flowers’ propensity toward darkness, the greenhouse that houses an aurora must be a strange one. Built rather to keep light and heat out than to let it in, an aurora greenhouse is carefully climate-controlled, preserving temperatures between negative fifteen and five degrees Celsius. The windows of an aurora greenhouse are fitted with slats, blocking out all natural light during the day, and opening only at nighttime to let in the glow from the moon and the stars.

But even all this is not enough for an aurora to flourish in captivity. A temperamental flower at the best of times, the briar rose does not do well under controlled conditions. If the gardener is not careful, all the plant will produce will be extra-sharp and extra-long brambles, with not a single flower to reward his pains.

Only a gardener who truly loves his vocation – and who truly loves and prizes this plant above all others – will merit to see the aurora bloom in his dark greenhouse. When all the other conditions are right, the plant will put out a single closed bud. Botanists from all walks of life have confirmed that this bud will remain eternally closed, sleeping, unless one final condition is filled: the gardener must brave the briars to brush his or her lips and breath across the seam of the closed bud, for the flower itself to judge its keeper’s worth. Only the kiss of a gardener’s true love will wake the aurora up.

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Disclaimer: The above post contains factual inaccuracies. Do not kiss your plants.

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