The Sunrise and the Dew

Hello and welcome to another week of reliable unreliability here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will address a question posed by my trusty friend Tohrinha. Tohr asked:

Who can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with dew?

There are a number of factors that must be taken into account in order to determine what set of people are capable of taking a sunrise and, as Tohrinha asks, sprinkling the aforementioned sunrise with dew.

First, we must consider the ability to take a sunrise. The sun, as many people are aware, is extremely hot. Certainly to handle it with one’s bare hands would court very serious burns. Rather, one needs special equipment, special training, and a natural ability to withstand heat, in order to handle any sort of sun, including a rising one. This would suggest a particular facility for blacksmiths, whose job requires them to work in and with extremely hot flames.

However, the heat is not the only element to consider when handling that sunrise. There is a popular saying that claims, “It’s always darkest before dawn.” And as we know, the dawn is another name for the time at which sunrise occurs. As such, whoever is up to the task of taking the sunrise must have exceptional night vision, or at that darkest time, he or she will not be able to see the sunrise to take it. Cats are known for their night vision.

The third consideration is the dew, and the sprinkling thereof. Dew is the most delicate of all types of water; forceful handling will cause it to crack instead of sprinkle. In order to sprinkle dew upon a sunrise, or any other substance, it must be treated delicately, preferably held by someone or something as fragile as the dew itself, so as to prevent accidental exertion of strength upon the delicate dew. The younger and smaller the creature, the better.

By now, it should be obvious to my readers who exactly can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with due: any individual small and delicate, with excellent night vision, and an ability to withstand high temperatures. In short, kitten blacksmiths.

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Disclaimer: the above post contains numerous inaccuracies. Do not attempt to train your kitten as a blacksmith.

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