Rise and Shine

Hello and welcome back to another week of wild witticisms and unfounded claims here at Factually Deficient! I am currently out of office in the plant kingdom, but fear not! Rather than abandon my faithful readers, I have had this post prepared for you in advance by the tireless Factually Deficient team. This week, I will answer a question which was recommended to Factually Deficient by a dear cousin of mine:

Why do people wake up early?

Although the matter of waking up early seems superficially connected to the question of why people sleep, it is patently obvious that the specific timing of when one rises has no connection to the excursions involved in sleep, and, rather, stems from different sources entirely.

There are some individuals who forgo the habit of sensibly sleeping for ten to twelve hours until their bodies can no longer take the stillness. Instead, these people will rise so early that they are in time to see the sun come up. Why is this?

Some will claim that it is the sunrise, and the light from it, that causes people to awaken. However, while this answer is close to the truth in some ways, in others it could not be farther from the actual state of affairs.

In fact – and this explains, too, why the sun does not shine during the nighttime hours, when we are asleep – these people actually collectively store the sun inside themselves. Now, the sun is very hot. Under normal circumstances, coming into contact with the sun would heat people beyond what is reasonable. Part of this problem is dealt with by splitting the sun up into billions of pieces, distributed amongst each person who sleeps.

However, even with this accommodation in place, one person can only hold a piece of the sun inside a human body for so long. Some have different heat tolerances than others; but in the case of our early risers, it comes to a crisis sooner rather than later. Our early risers are soon faced with a choice: they can wake up, and return the sun’s light to the sky, or they can begin to literally shine and glow as the sunlight burns them up from within. Most choose the former, creating the effect which we recognize as sunrise.

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Disclaimer: the above post contains unverified statements. Do not come into direct contact with even a small piece of the sun.

 

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