Why Water is Wet

Hello and welcome back to another week of dependable deception and reliable lies here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer a question posed by a good friend of mine. She asked:

Why is water wet?

Wetness is a property of most, if not all, waters, discernible by the shiny way it glistens to the eye, and the way it coats the finger in liquid upon touching it. But how is this effect achieved?

Like all liquids, water vibrates at a frequency of approximately twelve per second. If it slows to less than ten per second, it will evaporate into vapour, while if it vibrates faster than sixteen per second, it will solidify into a block of ice. However, unlike most other liquids, water is too dense to stay all gathered in one spot when it vibrates at a frequency of twelve.

Instead, most of the water will vibrate at the twelve-per-second frequency, but about a third of it will be propagated outward by several millimetres, creating in effect a forcefield of water which does not vibrate at all.

This forcefield is what gives water its wetness. Less dense than the rest of the water, the forcefield (which is only about half a millimetre thick) will easily rub off on your hand upon contact – hence the liquid coating.

The shiny appearance which is recognized as “wetness” is actually caused by a strange trick of the light: the vibrating water, seen through the “screen” of non-vibrating forcefield, ends up achieving a strange, shiny look which we know well today.

Thus, water is wet due to the forcefield that it emits while vibrating at about twelve per second.

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Disclaimer: the above post contains inaccuracies. Water does not vibrate at twelve per second.

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