Hello and welcome back to another week here at Factually Deficient, where we solemnly affirm to tell you lies, whole lies, and nothing but lies! This week, I will answer a question posed by my very own mother. She asked:
How does one potato?
She is, of course, referring to the verb potato, rather than the noun; obviously, it is very easy for one potato to simply be.
In order to potato, one must not be faint of heart. Some test their nerve and their stomachs by first cutting onions, dissecting sheep eyes, or throwing frisbees – but while all of these activities will build a person’s strength, none of them compares to the act itself of potatoing.
There is also a degree of knowledge needed in order to adequately potato. Some pursue advanced degrees before ever even making a first attempt at potatoing. However, others, on the other hand, can potato on their first try without any training at all, save their own hard-earned life experience.
How does one potato? she asked. Perhaps we should better phrase the question as how does one not potato. It is far too dangerous to potato underwater, or while asleep, and it is illegal to potato while driving or operating heavy machinery. It is unwise to potato between the hours of midnight and four a.m.
Above all else, before you potato you must keep in mind that to potato is both a privilege and a great responsibility – it must not be done lightly, but rather with a knowledge and acceptance of all that potatoing entails.
Disclaimer: the above post is made of lies. It is not illegal to potato while driving in most countries.