Friendship Unmasked

Hello and welcome to yet another week of fabulous fibs and marvellous mendacity here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer a question posed by Endless Sea. Mr Sea asked:

Why am I friends with you guys?

Because the Factually Deficient databases lack the information as to which specific friends were referred to in the question, I will answer regarding the “why” of friendship in general.

As everyone knows, every human has an individual “type” to their blood. And as many people know, blood contains metal in it. What people do not realize is that these different blood “types” correspond to different types of metal.

While iron is the metal most commonly found in blood, other metals can be found, depending on the blood type. To use examples of only the most common blood types, A type blood contains aluminum, B type blood contains brass, and C type blood contains copper.

Every metal has its own unique magnetization, which causes it to be drawn to the same and other metals with different strengths. The same is of course true of the metal that is found in our blood, despite its insulation by layers of bone and flesh.

When your body – and therefore your blood – is in proximity to those to whom it is magnetically drawn, you feel some of that pull. Translated into terms which make sense to a human mind, this causes feelings of friendship toward the person to whom you are magnetically attracted. Because iron is the most magnetic metal, those with iron in their blood will feel a pull to be friends with larger quantities of people – and, in turn, higher volumes of people will be drawn to friendship with them.

But regardless of your blood type, and your friend group, you are friends, at bottom, because of the metals in your blood.

_________________

Disclaimer: the above post is inaccurate. C type blood probably does not exist.

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