Lava for Lunch

Hello and welcome back to another week of lascivious lies and luscious legerdemain here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer another question posed by the inimitable eli_gone_crazy. eli requested:

Perhaps you could write about why people eat lava.

I could indeed write about this most pervasive and perplexing of phenomena.

As eli is no doubt aware, many people find themselves craving lava as a snack, to the point of feeling at times compelled against all deterrents to consume it. This seems on the surface of things to be counterintuitive; after all, lava can reach very high temperatures. Why, then, do these people persist in eating it?

As it happens, lava is actually rich in many important nutrients. Made as it is from melted rock, lava contains high volumes of iron, potassium, magnesium, calcium, carbon, sodium, and several essential vitamins – all regular and necessary parts of a human’s daily diet.

However, as we mentioned above, lava is very hot. Why – and how – do people eat lava, even if it has all these health benefits, if it gets so hot? After all, people can get all of these nutrients from other sources, albeit in smaller quantities.

Quantity here is the key. Lava, being made from rock, contains massive amounts of iron, far more than meat and spinach, the next iron-rich foods on the list. A person with a steep enough iron deficiency as to crave lava – for it is the people whose bodies most need the nutrients contained within lava who typically experience these cravings – actually has a reduced body temperature because of the lack of iron. This reduced body temperature means that the person can eat lava without experiencing any ill effects from its high temperature; the low iron-deficient body temperature and the high temperature of the lava will neutralize and negate one another, resulting in a person with a normal body temperature and no iron deficiency.

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Disclaimer: the above post is ludicrously untrue. The writer does not recommend consuming lava, irrespective of iron deficiencies.

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