The Truth of Televisions

Hello and welcome back to another week of pure prevarication here at Factually Deficient! This week, I will answer a science question posed by an individual known as Genndy Oda. Genndy asked:

How do televisions work?

Televisions are a complex technological setup whereby people can view various historical records and “fiction” shows play across a screen, frequently in the comfort of their own homes. But how do these devices work?

The word “television” is a compound word, made up of the roots “tele,” meaning psychic, and “vision,” meaning vision. Thus, on a bare, etymological level, televisions are devices which enable something referred to as “psychic vision.”

Televisions, not being a living organism like the internet, need some sort of efficient way of transmitting information from point A – the television network’s headquarters – to millions of point Bs – people’s homes. How do they do this? In the early 1920s, after pneumatic tubes had failed to transmit television shows without lengthy buffering periods, networks began to experiment with piggypacking on preexisting neural pathways in order to broadcast their shows.

In most television networks, while the shows are filmed for posterity, backup purposes, and DVD creation, the primary method of transmission is human, not machine. The network’s dedicated transmitter – larger networks will have a team of transmitters, for greater bandwidth – will watch the actors perform intently, focusing all mental power on storing and sharing what they see and hear.

With these transmitters to boost the signal directly to the television machines, television networks are able to broadcast their shows to their viewers’ minds. The “psychic screen” of the television is just that – while nothing is actually visually displayed on the screen, the presence of the screen assists viewers in forming their own psychic connection to the networks’ transmitters, thus experiencing the entire show as if they were viewing it themselves.

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Disclaimer: This blog post is largely false, and composed of untrue assertions. Many television networks do not rely on psychic power to broadcast their programs.

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