The Search for Summer

Hello and welcome back to another week of dubious declarations and flagrant falsehoods here at Factually Deficient! As the days grow rapidly shorter and the light dies in the sky, I will answer a question posed by Tohrinha. She asked:

What is summer and where can I get one?

Thank you for asking me such an excellent botany question! It’s been a while since I discussed my native Plant Kingdom in depth here on Factually Deficient.

The summer is a fruit, small but with an incredibly large shell, thick and spiky. As we know, there is an inverse relationship between the size of a fruit and that fruit’s sweetness. This causes a conundrum regarding the summer: in the wild, due to the inflation caused by its shell, the summer is quite big, while the fruit, once extracted from its encasing, is barely bigger than a dwarf penguin. Is it, then, sweet or bitter?

One will find that the summer actually conforms to both rules; its outer shell is not only painful to the touch but also extremely foul-smelling, and emits an unpleasant shrieking noise when dropped. However, once the shell has been removed and silenced, the summer itself is delicious, frequently sought-after in pies and jams. The difficulty of removing it and the distastefulness of its rind only serve to make it more of a rare delicacy.

Another reason for the rarity of the summer, of course, is the very answer to the second question that Tohrinha asked. Summers can only be found in warm climates, and only for a very few months of the year. The trees on which they grow bloom only from December to February; then, once all the fruit has been plucked, they slowly burn to the ground. Out of the ashes of the summer trees, a new tree will form, to once again bear fruit in December, but this process can take upwards of ten years–and will fail entirely if the temperature drops below twenty degrees Celsius during that period of time.

I recommend, therefore, that you seek your summer in Australia, or another warm country in the Southern Hemisphere; but go armed with gloves, a saw, and a strong set of earmuffs, if you want to taste the fruit within.

_________________

Disclaimer: Many of the claims made in this blog post are untrue. The writer has never seen trees bearing this fruit in the wild.

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