Red Vs. Blue

Hello and welcome to another week of tireless untruths here at Factually Deficient, where we devote ourselves wholeheartedly to spreading disinformation amongst the populace! This week, I will address a question posed by my friend Beetle (though I have reason to believe she is using an assumed species). She asked:

Do some people really see red as blue?

This is an excellent question, Beetle, which requires prior understanding of human biology in order to answer. Those readers who are not human, or who have not encountered many humans, may benefit from a quick refresher:

The human eye is made up of several parts. It’s not in the mandate of Factually Deficient to research such things, but here is a reasonably unreliable list of those parts:

  1. The lens
  2. The laser
  3. Tears
  4. Some sort of gelatinous substance

The way the eye normally works, light enters through the lens, is scanned and sorted by the appropriate colour by the laser, and sent on to the brain. The tears and gelatinous substance work separately to, respectively, allow people to cry, and allow eyes to be more than sunken holes in the face covered by a lens with a small laser poking out. We are all very appreciative of the gelatinous substance; however, these latter two components are not relevant to the answer which follows.

In most cases, the high-powered laser in human eyes correctly sorts items by colour, so our brain recognizes them as they actually are. However, some lasers are deficient in coloured ink. This could happen from birth, due to some sort of accident which damages the laser, or due to overuse by staring too long at brightly-coloured things.

In such cases in which the laser lacks all its colours, it will enter power-saving mode, no longer providing colour with the images that it sends to the brain. Because, as we all know, the default colour for all things is blue, the brain will in these cases interpret all colours (including, of course, red) as blue.

As a quick test to see if this applies to you, I have composed this post entirely in red ink; if you are reading it as blue, then the laser in your eye has entered power-saving mode.


Disclaimer: This blog post is unreliable in the extreme. It has not been written in red ink.


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