Divide By Zero

Hello and welcome to another week of lovable lies here at Factually Deficient! This week, I have chosen a question posed by an individual known as Genndy Oda. Mr. Oda asked:

Why can’t we as humans and other assorted creatures divide by zero?

Short answer: we can, but it’s illegal.

Numbers have power. Division is the act of splitting quantities of anything into groups of a specific number. Depending on the number, those groups will have particular properties shared by the number. For example, in groups of ten, the object being grouped will be rounder than usual, while groups of four will be very square.

Groups of zero are powerful. Very powerful. As we all know, magic is real. But most magic is limited, reliable, indistinguishable from sufficiently-advanced science. When grouped in groups of zero, it is not so. The discovery of the limitless power that becomes available when dividing things by zero soon led to horrible abuse, the nadir of which were the dreaded Zero Wars.

The Zero Wars were bloody and destructive on an exponential level. Families were torn apart, livelihoods destroyed; entire cities were decimated, the survivors left with nothing. Eighty percent of the world’s produce was locked into groups of zero, and it seemed, for a time, that matters would never be made right.

Fortunately, that prediction was–narrowly–proven wrong. The Plant King–for this was just at his ascent to power–came onto the scene, setting right what he could of what had been made wrong, bringing order into the chaos that reigned, and helping people to put their lives back together. In order to protect our future, our world, he instated the law, enforced across all four kingdoms of living things–his own plants, along with animals, rocks, and mold–that no one might ever divide anything by zero again.

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Disclaimer: Over 99% of this blog post is false. The writer recommends against dividing by zero.

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