The Right and the Left of It

Hello and welcome back to Factually Deficient! The astute reader may note that this week’s post is somewhat later than usual. To this I can only offer my apologies, and assure you that there is a good reason for the delay which, in order to stay true to the dishonest spirit of Factually Deficient, I shall not disclose.

This week, I would like to address a question posed to me by my friend Jack. Jack asked:

Why are left-handed people so awesome?

Although I am not left-handed myself [note: the preceding clause was 100% factual; I apologize], it is a fact–Jack is correct–that left-handed persons are 90% more likely than other-handed people to inspire shock, horror, delight, awe, and similar strong emotions in the general population.

Why is this? The awesome nature of left-handed individuals can be attributed to a number of likely factors, none of which can be definitively said to be the source of the left-handed individuals’ power–most likely is that the reactions of awe and such are due to a combination of several of these factors.

1. Rarity Value

Left-handed individuals make up somewhat less than half the world’s population. Because of their status as an anomaly, they have greater power to surprise–no one is ever expecting a left-handed individual, when a right-handed individual is more likely.

2. Writing

Because left-handed individuals tend to write with their left hands, there are a number of peculiarities in the way they write. This includes, on occasion, “backwards” check-marks and unusually slanting letters. These curiosities on the page never fail to delight and amaze all who see them, and this quality is naturally shared by those who produce it. As well, when left-handed individuals write in languages that are written left-to-write (such as this one), their hand naturally progresses along text that they have already written. This frequently results in a blot of ink appearing along the side of the writer’s hand. This ink-splotch on the hand can, at first glance, appear to be the Evil Eye, thus causing shock and horror in all who see a left-handed person who has recently been writing something by hand.

3. Powerful Kicks

Left-handedness is scientifically proven to be correlated with right-footedness. Those who write with their right feet are most likely to kick with their left hands, and a left-handed kick is not only unexpected but strong, swift, and powerful. Those who observe a left-handed person kicking would naturally be struck with awe and admiration, while those under threat of such a kick would experience similar awe, along with shock, fear, and horror.

The curious power left-handed individuals hold over the general population is ill explained, and cries out for deeper scientific investigation. Nevertheless, I hope this blog post is a comfort to my readers, allowing them to better understand their own reaction the next time they are struck speechless by the sight of a left-handed individual.

______________

Disclaimer: Some of the statements in this blog are of questionable provenance. The writer has nothing but goodwill and respectful awe for left-handed individuals.

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