Can Hand Canada

Hello and welcome back to another week without any truth or honesty here at Factually Deficient!

This week, I’d like to discuss a question asked by my friend eli. Eli asked:

Why do all Canadians have cans for hands?

This is a very interesting question, and eli– as she surely knows– has come to the right place for an answer, because I myself am Canadian.

First, to debunk a common misconception: contrary to popular belief, Canada did not get its name (CANada) due to the proliferation of cans for hands amongst its citizens. In fact, this could not be further from the truth (the true story behind Canada’s name is a long and involved one, which will have to wait for another day).

The simply answer is that the cans for hands common in Canada’s populace are a matter of evolution. As everyone knows, it is very cold in Canada. Cans, being made of metal, are able to conduct heat. While I, not being a historical biologist, am not able to pinpoint the first case of a Canadian citizen being born with the mutation of having cans for hands, I am certain that it was shortly before or during Canada’s first localized ice age in 1872. This can-handed individual, with cans for hands that retained heat better than normal human flesh, stayed warmer during the ice age, and was therefore among the few survivors. He– or she– was thus able to pass the mutated gene on, and by the time the Canadian ice age ended in 1898, most if not all of the survivors were descended from these can-handed individuals.

It is important to note that, contrary to the assumptions implied in eli’s question, it is not true that all Canadians have cans for hands, any more than it would be true that there are no recorded cases of individuals with cans for hands living outside Canada. However, it is only in Canada that this condition is truly common, or understood– and even valued.

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Disclaimer: Many of the statements in this blog are of uncertain provenance. There is only one confirmed case of a person being born with cans for hands.

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